Miscellaneous # 1....

[BillyBob]

Did you hear about the new kosher tampon?
"Tightwad."

Why should you always "do" a mountain goat on the edge of a cliff?
To be sure she'll push back.

How will Clinton be remembered?
As the president after Bush.

Why'd the Polish helicopter crash?
It got chilly, so the pilot turned off the fan.

Mindi and Sylvia go to the zoo. A gorilla breaks out of his cage, grabs Sylvia, throws her down, rips off all her clothes, and does her. The zookeeper pulls the gorilla off, and takes poor Sylvia to the hospital. A few days later, Mindi goes to visit her.
She says, "So how you are feeling, Sylvia?"
Sylvia says, "So how should I feel? He doesn't call, he doesn't write..."

How can you tell the Polish guy at the airport?
He's the one throwing bread to the planes.


A cowboy rides into town on a hot, dry day, and the Sheriff watches as the cowboy ties up his horse, gets off, walks back, lifts its tail, and plants a big, wet kiss on the horse's asshole.
The cowboy says, "I got me some really bad chapped lips."
The Sheriff says, "And that cures em?"
The cowboy says, "No, but it sure keeps me from lickin' 'em."


How do you say "Oprah" in Chinese?
"Fat From Cow."


A guy is out fishing too long. He's racing home over a bridge doing eighty when a cop catches him on radar and pulls him over.
The guy says, "Give me a break, I'm on my way to work, and I'm late."
The cop says, "What do you do for a living?"
The guy says, "I'm a rectum stretcher."
The cop says. "A rectum stretcher? What does a rectum stretcher do?"
The guy says, "People call me when they need to be stretched. I go to their house, start with a couple of fingers, then a couple more, then a whole hand, then two. Then I slowly pull them apart, farther and farther, until it's a full six feet across."
The cop says, "What the hell do you do with a six foot a$$hole?"
The guy says, "They give him a radar gun, badge and stick him at the end of a bridge."

What's the difference between a man and a hog?
A hog doesn't have to get drunk to "do" a hog.