When Santa runs out of Prozac.....

[BillyBob]

Dear Santa,

I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas. Iv

ben a good boyall yeer.

YeR FReND,

BiLLy



Dear Billy,

Nice spelling. You're on your way to being a career lawn care

specialist. How 'bout I send you a f__king book so you can

learn to read and write?

I'm giving your older brother the space ranger, at

least HE can spell!

Santa

************************************************** *****

Dear Santa,

I have been a good girl all year, and the only

thing I askfor is peaceand joy in the world for everybody!

Love,

Sarah



Dear Sarah,

Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?

Santa

************************************************** *****

Dear Santa,

I've written you for three years now asking for a

fire truck. Please, I really, really want a fire truck this year!

Love,

Joey



Dear Joey,

Let me make it up to you. While you sleep, I'm

gonna torch your house.

You'll have more fire trucks than you'll know what to do with.

Santa

************************************************** ******

Dear Santa,

I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my

Mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what

you can do.

Love,

Teddy



Dear Teddy,

What, and ruin that hot affair your dad's still

having with the baby-sitter?

He's banging her like a screen door in a

hurricane, son! Let me get you some nice LEGOs instead.

Santa

************************************************** *****

Dear Santa,

I need more Pokemon cards please! All my friends

have more Pokemon cards than me .Please see what you can do.

Love,

Michelle



Dear Michelle,

It blows my f__king mind. Kids are forcing their

parents to buy hundreds of dollars worth of these stupid cards, and none of

you snot-nosed brats are even learning to play the game. Let me get you

something more your speed, like "Chutes and Ladders."

Santa

************************************************** *****

Dear Santa,

I want a new bike, playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a

drum kit, a pony and a tuba.

Love,

Francis



Dear Francis,

Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays?

Santa

************************************************** *****

Dear Santa,

I left milk and cookies for you under the tree,

and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the backdoor.

Love,

Susan



Dear Susan,

Milk gives me the sh_ts and carrots make the deer

fart in my face.

You want to be a kiss-a$$? Leave me a glass of Chivas Regal

and some Toblerone.

Santa

************************************************** *****

Dear Santa,

What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are

you making toys?

Your friend,

Thomas



Dear Thomas,

All toys get made in China. I have a condo in

Vegas, where I spend most my time squeezing cocktail waitresses butts, and

losing all my cash at the craps table. Hey, YOU wanted to know!

Santa

************************************************** *****

Dear Santa,

Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really

know when we're awake, likein the song?

Love,

Jessica



Dear Jessica,

You are that gullible? Good luck in whatever you

do, I'm skipping your house...

Santa

************************************************** *****

Dear Santa,

I really really want a puppy this year. Please

please please PLEASE.

Timmy



Dear Timmy,

That whiney begging sh_t may work with your folks,

but that crap don't work up here. You're getting a sweater again.

Santa

************************************************** *****

Dearest Santa,

We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you

get into our home?

Love,

Marky



Dear Mark,

Firstly, stop calling yourself "Marky," that's

why you're getting your a$$whipped at school.

Secondly, you don't live in a house, that's a

low-rent apartment complex you're living in.Thirdly, I

get inside your pad justlike all the burglars do, through your bedroom

window.

Sweet Dreams!

Santa