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Old 08-24-2000, 09:19 PM
BillyBob BillyBob is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2000
Location: UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
Age: 77
Posts: 6,402
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Things My Mother Taught Me

TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE -
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished
cleaning!"

My mother taught me RELIGION - "You better pray that will come out of
the carpet."

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL: "If you don't straighten up,
I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

My mother taught me LOGIC: "Because I said so, that's why."

My mother taught me FORESIGHT - "Make sure you wear clean underwear,
In case you're in an accident."

My mother taught me IRONY - "Keep laughing and I'll "give" you
something to cry about."

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS -
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM - "Will you "look" at the
dirt on the back of your neck!"

My mother taught me about STAMINA - "You'll sit there 'til all that
spinach is finished."

My mother taught me about WEATHER - "It looks as if a tornado swept
through your room."

My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS -
"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you
listen then?"

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY - "If I've told you once, I've
told you a million times - don't exaggerate!!!"

My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE - "I brought you into this
world, and I can take you out."

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION -
"Stop acting like your father!"

My mother taught me about ENVY - "There are millions of less
fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"
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