My letter to Microsoft...

[bb123]

Please read very carefully and comment!

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What would I do without Microsoft to provide me with a non-stop source of churlish myopic ventures to complain about? Wait! Before you dismiss me as uncivilized, hear me out. We should agree on definitions before saying anything further about Microsoft's pretentious morals. For starters, let's say that "animalism" is "that which makes Microsoft yearn to pamper self-indulgent scum."

Microsoft ignores the most basic ground rule of debate. In case you're not familiar with it, that rule is: attack the idea, not the person. My point here is that Microsoft is trying to threaten the common good. Their mission? To retain an institution which, twist and turn as you like, is and remains a disgrace to humanity. I think that the portrayal of politicos in our culture is partially responsible for Microsoft's belief systems, yet Microsoft's stratagems are an unprincipled imprudent orgy of fetishism. This sort of vertiginous paradox is well known to most foul-mouthed deadheads. Something that I have heard repeated several times from various sources -- a sort of "tag line" for Microsoft -- is, "We should go out and make conditions far worse than could ever have been the case without Microsoft's shabby efforts. And when we're done with that, we'll all destabilize society." This is not a direct quote, nor have I heard it from Microsoft's lips directly, but several sources have paraphrased the content to me in near-enough ways that I feel fairly confident it actually was said. And to be honest, I have no trouble believing it.

Everybody is probably familiar with the cliche that Microsoft's perorations are nothing shy of a slap in the face to all those who have fought and fallen in war for this country. Well, there's a lot of truth in that cliche. To add another dimension to this argument, let me mention that I undoubtedly have a hard time trying to reason with people who remain calm when they see Microsoft empty the meaning of such concepts as "self," "justice," "freedom," and other profundities. Microsoft can't help it; it just loves to create catchy, new terms for boring, old issues. It takes more than a mass of shallow headstrong ivory-tower academics to carve solutions that are neither petty nor whiney. It takes a great many thoughtful and semi-thoughtful people who are willing to enlighten the mind of Man and improve him as a rational, moral, and social being.

Why does Microsoft want to influence the attitudes of dominant culture towards any environment or activity that is predominantly neo-unconscionable? Psychologists might suggest that it has announced a number of contemptuous infernal ideas on how to run -- or is that ruin? -- everyone's life. Counselors might maintain that Microsoft uses vulgar language and makes obscene gestures at those whose opinions differ from its. Sociologists might point out that there is little doubt that I am annoyed by the contemptible and sometimes viperine manifestations of rebelliousness against an inherited civilization of which its cronies do not have the slightest understanding. I agree with the above assessments, but when I first became aware of Microsoft's covert invasion into our thought processes, all I could think was how we must remove our chains and move towards the light. (In case you didn't understand that analogy, the chains symbolize Microsoft's disaffected practices, and the light represents the goal of getting all of us to stand as a witness in the divine court of the eternal judge and proclaim that its lackeys show obsequious deference to it.)

If Microsoft's henchmen had even an ounce of integrity, they would punish Microsoft for its prodigal politics. Microsoft's little world is far from reality. Okay, that's a bit of an overstatement, but for all of you reading this who are not stubborn anti-democratic stirrers, you can understand where the motivation for that statement comes from. Effrontive interdenominationalism is a disgrace to humanity, but it cannot be eliminated by moral lectures or by pious intentions. No, it can be eradicated only if we give our young people the values that will inspire them to instill a sense a responsibility and maturity in those who create an atmosphere that may temporarily energize or exhilarate, but which, at the same time, will pose the gravest of human threats.. Microsoft is hooked on designer victimology but fails to notice the real victims: the entire next generation. Microsoft coins polysyllabic neologisms to make its wisecracks sound like they're actually important. In fact, its treatises are filled to the brim with words that have yet to appear in any accepted dictionary.

In the past, I've said that it is sad to see Microsoft reopen wounds that seem scarcely healed. Were I to make such a generalization today, it would contain a few "weasel words" -- an escape hatch or that indispensable cliche that by next weekend, its tirades will degenerate into hotbeds of rumor and innuendo. But because it is a mythmaker, an illusion builder, or to put it less politely, a trickster, I am not ready to retract my conviction or to recant error. As witnesses to mankind's inner dissatisfaction, we must challenge Microsoft's self-centered empty-headed assumptions about merit. Or, to express that sentiment without the emotionally charged lingo, I have had enough of Microsoft's nugatory jibes. That's something you won't find in your local newspaper, because it's the news that just doesn't fit. That's a very important point; Microsoft truly believes that we should abandon the institutionalized and revered concept of democracy. It is just such self-satisfied jackbooted megalomania, lawless egoism, and intellectual aberrancy that stirs Microsoft to encourage people to leave their spouses, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism, and become ugly gutter-dwellers.

This is no time to be abusive and no time to be narrow-minded. Surprised? You shouldn't be, because it has been said that Microsoft's announcements are a cancer that gnaws away at the national psyche. I, in turn, insist that the crux of the issue is that I find much to disagree with in Microsoft's slogans. Now that that's cleared up, I'll continue with what I was saying before, that it is stepping over the line when it attempts to incite an atmosphere of violence and endangerment toward the good men, women, and children of this state -- way over the line.

Last summer, I attempted what I knew would be a hopeless task. I tried to convince Microsoft that if its assistants are frightened that it might inure us to snotty unpleasant immoralism in the coming days, they have only themselves to blame. As I expected, Microsoft was totally unconvinced. Who could have guessed that Microsoft would precipitate riots? Ostensibly, Microsoft does not intend to provide cover for a negligent disloyal agenda, but in fact, there are two related questions in this matter. The first is to what extent it has tried to transform our little community into a global crucible of terror and gore. The other is whether or not if Microsoft would abandon its name-calling and false dichotomies, it would be much easier for me to acknowledge that Microsoft engages in pietistic babble that nauseates even some of my more religious friends.

I can repeat with undiminished conviction something I said eons ago: Microsoft owns drawers and boxes full of legal documents, which it is convinced prove its position. If, after hearing facts like that, you still believe that the federal government should take more and more of our hard-earned money and more and more of our hard-won rights, then there is unquestionably no hope for you. I would not have thought it possible that you can observe a definite bias in Microsoft's ideologies relating to treasonous vapid freaks, but it's true. We can divide Microsoft's crusades into three categories: unrestrained, pompous, and predaceous. In order to understand the motivation behind Microsoft's musings, it is important first to create greater public understanding of the damage caused by Microsoft's catch-phrases.

Behold what a nice, thick, fat lie it is when Microsoft denies ever having strived to make me the target of a constant, consistent, systematic, sustained campaign of attacks. I feel this way because I find that some of Microsoft's choices of words in its pleas would not have been mine. For example, I would have substituted "besotted" for "establishmentarianism" and "grungy" for "anthropophysiography." I definitely believe that Microsoft is one of those phlegmatic masters of deceit that quotes the Bible but never reads it. Deal with it. Now that this letter has come to an end, I hope you walk away from it realizing that this discussion is meant to apply to modern credentialism only.


Please post any and all questions, comments and criticisms!

[Mopargirl]

LoL, Complaint generators are nice, aren't they?

[piotrsko]

and what O/S is he running?? betcha it ain't UNIX.

[Mopargirl]

Originally posted by piotrsko:
and what O/S is he running?? betcha it ain't UNIX.

I bet that damn penguin has something to do with it.